Monday, July 16, 2007

Raise the Roof

There are many things about my apartment that I could complain about (horrible swamp cooling, a dishwasher door so heavy that you have to watch out to make sure that it doesn't shatter your ankle, and a mysteriously absent dining room) but 1 single element makes up for all of the negatives put together--the roof. The only access to the roof in our entire complex is through our kitchen window. Our contract clearly states that getting on the roof can result in eviction, but because we are owned by a minor league baseball team we can pretty much do whatever we want (at the exchange of expecting nothing from the management). Besides tripling the size of our apartment, it has been a place where some of the greatest summer memories have happened. Here are some font reminiscences:

Skanky Ho
My sister invented this game her freshman year of college and it has since taken the nation by storm. Everyone puts an open hand into a circle and takes turns saying something that they have never done that is a little bit scandalous. If you have done the act that another player mentions you must put down a finger. The first person to lose all five digits is declared the "skanky ho." I've played this game at work parties, in classes, and even at church. It is a great way to discover all sorts of wonderfully shameful things the people around you have done (like kissed both members of a set of twins in the same 24 hours).

This topic may be getting a little bit old but it's a huge part of who I am. This last weekend my Mission President's son, myself, and one of my former companions sat on my roof with half-pints of Ben and Jerry's and gossiped for 3 hours. We told hilarious stories about shocking statements our Mission President had made and asked terrible hypothetical questions like "If you had to date a sister missionary from the Michigan Detroit Mission, who would it be?" I would love to share all the gory details, but what is shared on the roof stays on the roof. Unless anyone is listening down below...Gulp!!!

Reading Parties
One of the roof activities that is enabled by my huge library of books in my bedroom. It is incredibly relaxing to sit on the roof at dusk and be one with the shingles and Harry Potter (it's currently Possession for me). So relaxing, actually, that it caused my roommate to fall asleep on the roof one night until 3 am. Right now my mother is freaking out reading this--don't worry I am not that stupid. He woke up with a start that nearly ended our time on the roof, but all is well and the parties continue.

Saving Souls
Possibly the best roof activity is saving hormonal college students from fornication. One night while walking a friend home, my roommate and I noticed a car, appropriately parked next to the dumpster, with a couple going at it in the backseat. We ran home to tell our roommates about it and made them go take a look for themselves. When the roommates got back they asked us if the man in the car had his shirt on when we were out there. We ran outside to call his bluff, but sure enough, all you could see was a sweaty back glistening in the moonlight. Now a somewhat awkward random viewing of people who are way too open with their private affections became a battle in the fight between good and evil. So we did what any god-fearing men would do--grabbed a bag of week old bagels and headed to the roof. We all got into positions covered by the dark of night and my roommate let the first bagel fly. The bagel hit the top of the car with a deep thud instantly separating the couple. The boy put his shirt back on and went out to investigate. We were proud of ourselves, thinking that we had completed a job well done because most people would be interrupted and think "Okay, we were going a little too far. It's time to say goodnight." But the couple in this car were not most people. After 10 minutes of searching the boy goes back into the car and the shirt comes back off (I have to note that later I found out that the girl was kind of dumb and the boy was from Texas and it explained a lot). We then threw bagel number 2 which hit the back windshield. This time they both got out of the car and Mr. Texas was furious. They stormed around for a full 3o minutes looking for us before he finally walked her up to her apartment and drove away. It felt incredible to have saved a couple from years of guilt and felt even better to have made a Texan really angry. It was a good night.


classic. said...

hey!! i love texas!!

Melanie said...

I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard in my life. That Texan and the dumb chick owe you their eternal salvation!


Lindy said...

thank you for introducing me to skanky ho. it has enriched my life immensely (i mean the things i found out about my co-workers . . .)

Katherine said...

When do you move? We need to have one more roof party before you defect to Monticello.